For those of you who haven't caught up yet, you should start with Part One.
Last time we talked I left off when Josh and I had just completed our first date. What a wonderful date. I was liking this boy hardcore at this point.
A week later he asked me on a second date.
It was Halloween. He picked me up and we went to his house to meet up with his brother Matt and Matt's girlfriend Joey. Josh was living with his grandparents and like most grandparents houses on Halloween, it was a bustling place. There were all kinds of family members everywhere. I just sat there on the couch and tried to comprehend what was going on. Josh's Grandpa came up to me and said "you must be Whit!" and then told me he thought I was a great writer and that he had read my blog. Which I thought was awesome because it's every writer's goal in life to have others enjoy your work. Josh was embarrassed because it revealed that they had definitely been stalking me on the internet, which I thought that was cute.
After meeting his entire extended family (on the second date... who does that? haha) We went to the Center Street Halloween Party in Provo. Josh and I went dressed as bank robbers, while Matt was dressed as a trash bag and Joey opted for a Jedi costume... which she wasn't wearing yet when we took these pictures.
The Center Street party was fun. Being 4'10" tall makes squishy dances rough because I can't ever really see what was going on and people tend to mull over you when they can't see that you're there. Josh was really good at always making sure I was safe. We held hands real tight during this whole time... mostly because I liked him, but also because I was nervous I was going to get squished to death by all the people.
After spending some time on Center street we decided to go back to his place and watch a couple episodes of Stranger Things.
After some Stranger Things, he took me home to drop me off. He walked me to the door and that's when it happened...
He pulled me in for a tight hug and told me how much fun he had had that night and looked me in the eyes and...
He kissed me.
Right on the mouth.
Oh, it was great and we were both beaming. It was an absolutely perfect, magically wonderful, splendid first kiss.
We pulled away and both grinned as he said: "we should definitely do this again soon." I stood at the door as he walked away with his head cranked around to look at me as he walked. What an incredible night.
But here's my dilemma...
What I didn't mention last time is that at this point in my life I was dating a lot of other people. My roommates would laugh at me because every night when I would come home from work I would start getting ready for a date and they would always say "who are you going out with tonight?" and the answer was always different.
I had a mutual account (yes... I know... I was one of those people) and was doing my best to meet people everywhere I went. I was dating like madness.
This was all a weird experience for me because before my mission I had been on a total of seven... YES... SEVEN dates. When I first came home from my mission I hadn't ever kissed a boy and had literally not even held a boys hand before I was an R.M. So to come home from my mission and suddenly have seven dates a WEEK sent me into shock. I wasn't used to this. I didn't know how to handle all this attention and all the stress that comes from having a large array of boys fishing for your attention.
And to make matters worse at this point I was in the midst of drama with a boy I had dated over the summer, as well as experiencing drama with another boy I had also recently started dating. So much so that I became incredibly confused about what I wanted and had a diluted desire to start a serious relationship with anyone. I was left hurt and confused and angry and I wanted out of all these uncomfortable situations.
I was feeling completely overwhelmed by this whole deal. I was sick of the drama and I was sick of the stress from all these silly boys so I decided I was going to take a break.
From all of them.
I needed a reset. I needed a clean slate. To quote Lady Antebellum, I needed a Heart Break. I needed a minute to figure out what I wanted with my life.
So I worked on friend zoning them all...
one by one.
On one of the nights to follow, I went to Josh's house to watch some more episodes of Stranger Things. I knew I wanted to tell him that I wanted to just be friends, but I also wanted him to initiate the D.T.R. because I knew it was overdue and I was too nervous to initiate it myself. All night we danced around that topic. On this particular night I also had a paper due at midnight and was anxious to get home and get it done, and It was also on that night I had received some other disappointing news that only added to my stress. With all of that on my plate, I was definitely not in a place that I wanted to have a long conversation about feelings.
Josh took me home and I rushed inside to complete my assignment before the clock struck twelve.
At about one in the morning, after hitting submit on my assignment, I also hit submit on a text to Josh.
I explained to him that I really did like him, but that I wasn't at a place in my life that I wanted to start a serious relationship.
I told him I wanted to just be friends.